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After failing to win the contract to design the presidential library for Barak Obama, takes popsicle-sticks-and-pipe-cleaners model of proposed site on a cross-street tour in an effort to “expose as many people as possible to the glories that would have been an entire wing dedicated to Chic jeans sponsored by Jay-Z.”. Jason and Taryn's daughter Gia Carr in a picture shared on 10 February 2018 (Photo: Instagram) Drops it like it's hot. Refuses, however, to star in a web "movie" with Brian Bonsall. Upon discovering that “BAFTA” is not an Italian curse word, attempts to get refund from LearnItalianishNow.com. Bob Geldof transfers knighthood to the newly christened Sir Shoehorn of Jolly Times. Ted Nugent promptly dies. June 1, 2004 - Assumes role as Interim Prime Minister of Iraq amongst complaints of being "the pastiest Kurd we've every seen.". Credits outstanding posture in winning the National League Wild Card race over a severely slumping Atlanta Braves team. iCloud photo library remains depressingly unleaked.

Starts a worldwide backlash against über-bomb “John Carter” on the grounds that Eriq La Salle is nowhere to be seen. Attempts to lock out NFL star Peyton Manning from his stash of Dean’s French Onion Dip prove futile. Accidentally mispronounces Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s name as “Benetton Nosferatu.” Mossad agents are not amused. Arrested on suspicion of “sticking it with intent to jive.”. Diddy changes his name to "Puxy P.".

Chided by documentarian/beard enthusiast Michael Moore at Academy Awards for “running a fictitious website under a fictitious name with a fictitious bio.”. Scores 18,496,443 “grown-up points” by refusing to download Pokemon Go. Charleston has learned that the fox tested positive for rabies. In response to the always-to-be-trusted-without-question-don't-look-at-the-money-trail-what-are-you-insinuating United Nations' edict that men, women, children and a cross-dressing albino named Chet are responsible for global warming, roasts Puxatawney Phil over an open pit. One-ups South Korean scientists' claim of cloning a dog by producing sixteen mint BetaMax copies of "Leonard Part 6.". As Dallas Mavericks win the NBA title, becomes basketball fan for 3.2 seconds. Joins former Presidents George H. W. Bush and Bill W. T. Clinton in a pay-per-view deathmatch entitled Ring-Around-the-Rosy Bloodsport '99 VI.

Gleeks out. Chi goes askew. Gets picked up by the AP. Promptly makes it a Blockbuster night while enjoying a Happy Meal and a can of Ol’ Roy.

As heir to the family media throne, finally uses power for good in getting Fox chairmen Rupert Murdoch to put the kibosh on O.J. In celebration of the U.S. Supreme Court's decision that the Ten Commandments may be displayed in public forums, attempts to part the red sea of Donald Trump's hair. A confused Regis refers to the BJS as “Gifford.”. Spends evening hooning his GTI through the Panera drive-thru. Along with AD partner Dan Lutz, wins creative shoot-out to produce spot for Planet Hollywood. Breaks Michael Phelps's minutes-old record by winning 9 gold medals in a single Olympics. Makes bizarre “Barry White” mix CD for sweetie by mashing up Barry Manilow with the White Stripes. Ignores 8th consecutive World Cup final, celebrates with a deep breath. In honor of fallen Monkee Peter Tork, takes the last Clark bar from the corner gas station. Starburst officials remain unamused, yet chewy. After Washington state legalizes human composting, lays off chimp-based gardening staff. Deal falls apart upon missing the last train to Clarksville. Purchases a pair of Adidas cross trainers and sacrifices nothing. Smith Advertising receives Bronze Award at KC Omni Awards for a television spot; celebration culminates with the ceremonial placing of the award into a dresser drawer.

Hires that really tall Russian guy from the television show “The Americans” to spout mild invectives against the front-running presidential candidates. Promptly has the bejeepers beaten out of him by Garner. He eventually eats: Goes on a Pert & Purell cocktail bender with Hugh Laurie.

Sadly, the IOC, ESPN and The Costas refuse to recognize the "The First Quadrennial Olympiad of Pastiness, its chosen venue of Applebee's or the 'sport' of Flair Baiting.". Fails in attempt to get Congress to pass resolution changing Christmas to Pagan Smackdown Day. Passed over as a vice presidential running mate by Romney campaign on grounds that one great head of hair is already too distracting for some voters. Heads directly to the Mayo Clinic. Kicks off the baseball season right by tossing a no-hitter against his seven-year-old son, Simon, who technically quit after the first inning claiming dad was hurling “Wiffle spitters.”.

Gets fooled. Within hours, becomes addicted to paste; gets the shakes during nap time.

While searching for a 1993 Infiniti to partake in “retro-cool near-luxury cruising,” responds to a Craigslist ad and accidentally purchases the G20 economic summit.

While preparing to see “X2: X-Men United,” suffers gross bodily injury attempting to style hair into a Wolverine-esque do. Once again lands at number 101 on Forbes magazine’s annual Celebrity 100 Power List. Later, cuts loose “Cy Sperling style” with a case a Propecia. Accidentally flies Woot.com-sourced “Joycopter 2.0” drone into the Straits of Hormuz. Marks one year wedding anniversary by burning all six remaining copies of the J-Lo-tastic "The Wedding Planner." Sues cranky Brit Simon Cowell claiming "emotional distress resulting from exposure to Cowell's bro-less torso.". Takes advantage of lifted sanctions to sell 18,000 Wham-O Moonlighter Frisbees to Iran. Discovers Charlie Sheen’s Tiger Blood is nothing more than Tang and V8 and that “winning” is defined as the ability to projectile vomit into the next county. Announces plan to reduce household deficit by $4 over the next ten years just as soon as those Kenny Rogers commemorative “Gambler IV” plates are paid off. Jason Curtis Fox (born May 2, 1988) is an American football offensive tackle who is currently a free agent.He was drafted by the Detroit Lions in the fourth round of the 2010 NFL Draft.He played college football at the University of Miami. ", Removed as head of CIA for overuse of the word "shenanigans.". Dines at 19 area Chipotle restaurants in an effort to kill off what little good gastro-intestinal bacteria remain. Amidst speculation of foul play, Doug Henning flees to Alberta and is last seen levitating a bong. Or simply treat the whole piece like a.

Imposes a no-fly zone over his barbecued baked beans. Learns Earl Scheib is dead.

SHE SAID YES!

Suit tossed due to inability to distinguish between Ryan Seacrest, Billy Bush and the Bush's Baked Beans guy. Acts as screaming surrogate of silent Scientologist Katie Joey-Pacey-Holmes-Cruise as she gives birth to Suri Cruise-Hubbard. Admits to having no clue as to what “The Village” is.

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